I am now the proud owner of a new coat, much to the confusion of Steve, who thinks that I have more than enough coats already. But that’s daft, I don’t have a heavy weather coat and this is what I need. For the past few winters, I have borrowed his, to his constant annoyance so I thought that this year I would finally get my own. As he pointed out I already have a rain mac but it’s really just a lightweight pretty shower coat. The sort for popping in and out of shops; not the sort for pushing through gorse bushes and withstanding sea spray, mud, gales and horizontal rain. I also have a lovely bright green wool coat but again, there’s no way I’m taking that out on a dog walk and my jacket is not a coat no matter how much Steve tries to tell me it’s the same thing. It’s like those men who say women have too many shoes. (I won’t use Steve as an example again; poor thing will start to feel victimised, if his views coincide with these fictional male characters, well that’s not my fault.) You know the type; he’ll say why do you need more than one pair of shoes? Well really, what a thing to say? Who wears slippers on a dog walk, or wellies to work? Flip flops don’t work in winter, walking boots are no good on the squash court, Stilettos are no good on the rugby pitch and rugby boots are rarely acceptable at the dinner table. So honestly, who only has one pair of shoes?
Anyway, my coat. It is not a thing of beauty but it is pretty practical. Imagine a waxed sheet of tarpaulin with a zip up the middle; now stop imagining because that’s basically what it is. It is warm, windproof and waterproof, I wade through gorse bushes laughing and spit in the eye of the elements. It has all the functional attributes of a sheet of tarpaulin but it is also fair to say that it also has all the aesthetic appeal of a sheet of tarpaulin, albeit one with a zip up the middle, oh and lots of pockets. I bought it on eBay with a strict budget in mind, somewhere between stingy and parsimonious. As I was flicking through the pages my eyes kept resting upon beautiful ladies’ Barbour lined with Liberty fabric and fitted belts. You can imagine that the minute Liberty and Barbour occur in the same description that the price tag will exceed parsimonious and as for the fur lined, down filled gilet that I fell in love with – oh dear! Instead, I saw a long waxed men’s jacket which looked just the ticket and also looked brand new. It was within my means and so I am now the proud owner of something that can withstand hurricanes. Of course, as it is new it has the flexibility of a drainpipe but that will come. It took about a year to make my last wax comfortable but I didn’t have a dog helping out last time.
Now I just need a new handbag. Oh dear, I’ve got to go, I can hear Steve choking in the background.
All posts are written by Liz Hurley, author of SCRIBBLES FROM THE EDGE and LOSING IT IN CORNWALL These two books are collections of her columns, written for the Cornish Guardian. They available from Amazon as e-books or paperbacks as well as from Hurley Books.